i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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