I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my sisters under your porch take her home
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
