; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
