Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
