why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
