this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
