Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
