dude i'm inner monologue high
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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