About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
