I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
