Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
