I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
