the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
