the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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