Me. At least after what I've been through.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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