I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
