Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
