just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize