Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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