I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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