And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
