were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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