I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
