he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
