She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize