Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
