I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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