Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
