So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
as a side note pls kill me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
