my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
