It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
