Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
