I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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