I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
