i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
