i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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