he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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