I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
