why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
