I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
