P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
