Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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