You don't have asthma, your pregnant
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
