Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize