the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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