Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
