Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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