he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
