Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
