3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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