did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
