your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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