Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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