She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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