i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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