I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
