Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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