i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
