wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
