This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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