I want to walk on stilts...naked
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
