The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your cock deserves a montage
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
