i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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