you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize