Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
