you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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