I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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