I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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