he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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