That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
