all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
