I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You made out with two different species that night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
