Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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