This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
