i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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