How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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