we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
