Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
