ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
