please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
