I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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