that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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