a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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