The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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