...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize