So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
