what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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