Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
