this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
