I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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