I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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