I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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