your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
