Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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