did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
